pubs
I just wrote the following on the rear of a five-dollar bill. The modern kind, you know, with all the white space.
When I was little
I knew a woman
who would give me
candy fish from a jar.
Her name was Helen.
She owned a fruit store
on main street.
Her voice had a rasp.
Her lip had a mustache.
When she gave change,
she did the math out
on a notepad
on the counter,
one step at a time.
She itemized each item.
She mouthed its name.
She looked to me
for affirmation.
I stared back.
Helen is dead now.
Her store is gone.
I still enjoy candy fish.
That’s really depresssing, but fairly well written.
I’m not sure what to say, now.
Canadian five-dollar bills now come with a poems already on them.
Did you write this, or did it come from somewhere? I ask because I am about to offer constructive criticism.
The itemized jumps out. I feel that either it should be paralleled with She silently(?) named its name, or it should be replaced with a word more in line with the style of language used in the rest of the poem. Affirmation might also benefit from a trip through the thesaurus.
What is a candy fish?
That would be tidier.
I don’t know that I was looking for tidiness, though.
Here I was speaking of Swedish fish. I didn’t use the proper name, because it does not seem all that well-known.
Tidy and writing on the back of a dollar bill generally don’t go together.
Have you ever noticed how the people who are worst about writing on money are bank employees? That could be an interesting topic to explore.
I assumed the candy fish was something like that. The term works, because there’s a childlike truth to it. I was just curious.
Actually, I’ve seen something quite similar called Big Foot (feet?), which is essentially the same treat only in the shape of a foot. In your position I’d probably call them “candy feet” as well.
I wonder. Why do people keep asking me what “candy fish” are? I thought this would be clearer than “Swedish fish”; apparently not. What else might I mean besides fish-shaped candies?
I think people are just looking for reassurance that it’s not “candy fish” in same vein as “candy apple” … like the “Caramel Cod” on that one Simpsons Halloween special. People probably just want to be certain that such a thing does not exist before assuming it’s a fish-shaped candy.