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Note to Steven Moffat

Good luck finding an actor named Michael Elevesnsies.



Bean there; done that

Every time I open the microwave to put in a frozen burrito, I look around for the little plates I use and can only find one of them. I wash the plate if needed, position the burrito on it, and open the microwave.

And there’s the other plate, with a half-cooked burrito on it.

This has happened three times since the weekend.



pop obsessions

1984-1986: Transformers
1986-1990: Nintendo Entertainment System
1987-1990: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
1989-1994: Sega Genesis
1993-2000: The X-Files
1995-2000: Nine Inch Nails
1999-2002: Sega Dreamcast
2000-2005: The King of Fighters
2001-2005: The Lord of the Rings
2004-present: Doctor Who



Roll out the barrels…

So here’s one pretty awesome breakdown for the Hobbit movies.

Movie one (“The Lonely Mountain”? I’d say “There and Back Again”, except it’s more like… “There!”) basically traces the book itself, up through the defeat of Smaug. Nice, positive climax. They’ve done what it seems they’ve set out to do.

Movie two (“The White Council”?) rewinds a bit, to when Gandalf leaves halfway through the first movie. He joins with the Council — Elrond, Galadriel, Saruman, possibly some other movie-familiar faces — to discuss the Necromancer situation, and possibly, elusively, as to the status of a ring not unlike the one that he’s just seen in Bilbo’s hand, immediately before this in the narrative. Elrond might suggest a young, bright ranger he knows to seek out this Gollum creature and confirm some suspicions.

In the midst of the conversation, Gandalf relays the backstory as to how he came about the map in the basement of Dol Guldur, and his rationale for manipulating the Dwarves and that Hobbit to go after Smaug. Then they all go off to drive out the Necromancer. Somewhere in the midst of this, Gandalf hears of trouble at the Lonely Mountain. Rewind a bit again, to not long after we last saw Bilbo. And indeed, things are not well. Hence follows the rest of the novel — the standoff, the war.

And then perhaps an epilogue of some sort, where Bilbo returns to Bag End with his riches then is foisted with his young “nephew”, Frodo, when Frodo’s parents die. As a final note, perhaps, on a moonless night, a decrepit, shadowy figure begins to emerge from a cave in the Misty Mountains, with one thing on its mindses…

That seems to work pretty well. The first one is a rollicking road adventure, not like Fellowship without the angst. It’s what people remember of the book. The second tackles all the serious long-term considerations going on behind the scenes of and in the aftermath of the adventure — both in terms of narrative and in psychology. The greed on Thorin’s part. The mistrust amongst the races. Dark suggestions about this innocent ring that Bilbo has — suggesting the potential for his corruption. Even Gandalf doesn’t come off cleanly — setting up his self-doubt about his own darkness in Fellowship — though he does have all the best intentions. And in the midst of all this, Bilbo manages to show what he’s made of, helping to heal the wounds amongst all the races and presaging Gandalf’s future, reluctant manipulation of Frodo. Bilbo basically becomes the first hope against the dark times that are about to come.

From the way that Del Toro has been breaking the book down in terms of psychology and theme and metaphor, where all the fiction has to mean something greater — and where the tone is supposed to slowly slide into Lord of the Rings territory — I’d be surprised if it didn’t pan out roughly like this.

Edit: Oh, Ho. In case you’re not so up on what I’m talking about. I’d forgotten about the multiple Council meetings — which, yes, is where Gandalf’s manipulation business comes in. Anyway; no reason to show the earlier council. It’s enough to make it clear that they’ve met on this subject before, and that to date Saruman has been oddly stubborn.



Criticism by numbers

Three things to consider, when regarding an expressive work:

1) How well it says what it’s trying to say
2) Whether what it’s trying to say is worth hearing
3) Whether there’s worth to what it actually does say

When you’ve found all your answers, the order in which to weight them is: 3, 1, 2.